Misguided Hope
by celticvampriss
Summary: Petra is sleepwalking. Where do her dreams take her? -Levi x Petra. One-shot.


**A/N: I was debating if I should post this at all. It's just a small...I don't know what it is. I just wrote it. But, in case someone out there finds it interesting or whatever, here you go.**

MISGUIDED HOPE

The castle was quiet, the light from the sconces flashing long shadows up the stone walls. Most everyone was resting; they had a long day ahead tomorrow. It was peaceful in the dark. The quiet before the storm. It was nights like this that held the illusion of true peace, the serenity a heartbreaking hymn of a night before blood. Every venture outside the walls had led to death. Every time was a risk of more fallen soldiers, more fallen friends, more titan victories. Tomorrow might turn out no different. There would be casualties. Many will die before another night falls. But would this time prove a true step toward progress? It was impossible to say.

There was hope, at least. Though, Levi thought hope a rather elegant trick. It was all well and good for other people, but where he stood there was no point in wishing things one way or the other. What happens, happens. Hope doesn't change anything except to make you feel better while you wait. So let them all hope for an answer. Let everyone hope that they might finally gain something over the titans. He was fine without that reassurance.

Actually, he should have been sleeping. His room was his intended destination and he was nearly there, but had taken his time with the walk. He was near his door when he stilled. Footsteps, the light padding of bare feet on stone, were walking up the stairs near his position. He turned but there was no light coming from that direction, no torch to help them see in the less illuminated hallways downstairs. A shadow began to grow on the wall, caught by the light from his hallway, and out from the dark stairwell emerged Petra.

It was curious that she would be wandering the hallway in nothing but her sleeping clothes. Her hair was a fine mess, uncombed and tangled. She was grinning, but that wasn't uncommon. For a long time she didn't notice him, just swayed on her feet, posture hunched. She appeared drunk, though that was probably not what he was witnessing. When her eyes did find him, she let out a small laugh.

"Captain." She walked toward him, but there was still something off, something wrong with her movements. She giggled when she reached him, smiling all the way to her eyes. "Captain, I'm so glad I caught you. I wanted to tell you." She clapped her hands together, standing closer than she might normally.

"What is it?"

Then she reached out and set both hands on his chest. Casually as if it were every day that she talked to him half dressed in the middle of the night. He didn't speak, but the action made him wary. When had she ever assumed such liberties? She was friendly enough, but she had always maintained a professional distance. He was beginning to grow concerned. When her hands hit his chest, her fingers curled around the lapels of his jacket and she drew herself closer, forcing her foot between his boots.

"Captain." She sighed contentedly. "Captain, I'm _so_ glad you asked." She laughed again, blissfully happy. Almost…dazed.

He had no idea what she was talking about. "What am I supposed to have asked?" He still didn't move her hands, but it was starting to make him uncomfortable. The way she was purring in front of him, fingers dancing up and down the opening of his jacket. It was completely inappropriate, but his uncertainty over the situation made him reserved about correcting her.

She laughed again, bright and sunny, then she put her head on his shoulder and nestled into his neck. Her warmth pushed away the cool night air, smothering him in her scent and cooing. She was fully pressed against him, her hand had found its way up and under the collar of his jacket, stroking skin like she might pet an animal. "Hmm…Levi. You are playing games with me now."

Levi?

Then her lips were pushing against his neck, her breath hot, her nose rising up to his jaw. "Let me have my dream. Please. It is a good dream and you feel so real."

Ah. "Petra." He tried to be gentle, but was still firm in grabbing her shoulder and guiding her backward. "This isn't a dream."

"Wha…what?" She blinked, the smile falling. "But it _is_ a dream. Or…or you wouldn't have asked me to marry you."

That last part nearly made him choke, but his expression was neutral as ever.

"Just a few more minutes?" She whined, pushing through his grip and claiming him in a tight hug. "I'll wake up in a few more minutes." She continued to nuzzle him with her face, rubbing against his cheeks or neck or shoulder. His features were pushed and squished with each hard press of her forehead or cheek. His expression nearly betrayed his growing agitation.

"This is no dream, Petra. And you are crushing me." He tried to pry her backward, but he didn't want to hurt her and she was trying really hard to keep him close. Then she kissed him. Her head had moved in a quick precise line to his mouth and she was sighing into his lips. Levi kept still, a part of him shocked at such abrasive behavior whether she was dreaming or not. Petra's arms were around his neck, tenderly holding him close as she dipped her head into the kiss. It was not an unpleasant kiss, though still unwelcome. She sighed, long and deep, and it stalled him from action. His eyes began to close. He stopped trying to push her away. He very faintly parted his lips…

He used the heel of his hand to push her chin backward and away, drawing a rushed surge of protest from Petra.

"Don't spoil it now, Levi. You were being so wonderful just a few minutes ago. You kissed me and promised that we could be together forever. You said you would even marry me and we could live in the same house and I could cook for you and you would never have to worry about cleaning because I would keep everything just the way you like it and you would hug me and sometimes you would smile, but just for me, and—"

"_Petra_." He was harsher now, his voice rising over her near deafening fantasies. He stopped trying to pry her away and drew his hand down to her waist, taking two fingers and fighting her nightdress to find skin. She seemed gleefully intrigued until he pinched, hard, and she squealed. Her eyes opened fully, round and tiny as she stepped backward.

He watched her take things in, her eyes observing the unfamiliar hallway. She gazed down at her clothes and then looked up at where he had been pressed to the wall by her wild pawing. Her hands came up and covered her lips and her eyes twisted into horror. "Oh no."

Levi straightened his clothes, now free of her.

"Oh no." She shook her head, her cheeks were scarlet. "Captain…I am…I'm so sorry. I didn't know…I thought…"

He cleared his throat. "That you were dreaming, I understood that much."

Tears welled in her eyes. "Please forget this ever happened. Please. I…I beg of you to just forget what I said what I did…"

"It was a dream, Petra. One cannot control their dreams." He was partly teasing her now.

Tears spilled down her cheeks. "No. No. I mean…you're right, of course, but…I still shouldn't have…I don't know why I got out of bed…"

He looked down the hallway ahead of them. "You were heading for my room?"

Petra squawked, throwing her hands out and shaking them in time with her head. "NO. Never. I wouldn't do something like that—"

He let it drop since she was obviously lying. Or maybe she just wanted to believe it. Either way, it was a moot point.

"Please, sir. What you must think of me…" She looked out at her hands, as if they had just committed a horrible crime that she had no knowledge of.

"I think nothing of you that I didn't before." He assured her, and it was the truth. He should have dismissed her minutes ago and had that be the end of it, but his fondness for her kept him quiet.

She had just finished another apology and had bowed her goodnight when she stopped. Levi raised an eyebrow, watching her look at him in curious realization.

"You kissed me back." Petra's fingers pressed lightly over her lips.

Now, Levi wished he had dismissed her formally. He didn't like the hope sparking in her eyes. The conclusions she was jumping to. Hope, after all, was no better than a dream.

She held her ground, staring at him over her hands. The light was dancing on her skin, highlighting half of her face and casting the rest in shadow. There was hope in her eyes and he felt honor bound to extinguish it.

"Don't be naïve." He was watching her face break out of the corner of his eye.

"I just thought…" She sniffed, the tears still rolling from her eyes. The suddenness of waking her, the hour, the situation, she was not as tactful and guarded as she usually was. She was speaking without thinking and acting without thought to who she was talking to. It was understandable, but no less inconvenient. "Maybe…"

"Petra, you are not an idiot." He scolded her, wanting to shatter that idea before she truly got hurt. It was more than he had ever been willing to do before. If she were any other woman, he might not care one way or the other. He might even play into the fantasy, at least when it suited him to do so, and let them crash on their own hopes. But not Petra. She was too smart, too loyal, too much of a friend for him to be so callous.

"But I know you did." She cried back, but it was clear that she was speaking out of exhaustion. "You kissed me back and that has to mean—"

He was in front of her in an instant. Her eyes grew even wider and she sucked in breath as he caught her face in his hand. Cupping her chin in his palm and squeezing his fingers into her cheeks. He held her firm, staring into her eyes before drawing her mouth forward, taking another kiss. Her eyes were wide for several seconds. The hallway silent in the space of a drawn breath yet to be released. He was cold as he looked into her eyes, but he was still pressing into her lips until she responded. Drawing a gentle sigh from her, a flutter of her lashes, the opening of her arms, and then he was pulling away. Her chin was still in his hands, her cheeks indented where his fingers were holding her.

"I can kiss you or not kiss you. It makes no difference to me."

"But…" She was crying again, her tears falling over his fingertips.

"I value you for your skill. I trust you for your loyalty in combat. There is nothing beyond killing that I need of you." His voice was soft, but firm. She was cracking again, trying to hold it in, but the tears were still falling in silent streams.

"L…Levi…"

"Captain." He corrected.

She cleared her eyes, fighting a sob. "Captain. I…"

"You are dismissed." He released her face, drawing away, his back to the light. There was something heartbreaking about her tears now. And as he watched her compose herself and then dash into the darkness, he wondered briefly how things might be different.

If the titans had never come, would he still be in service? He might never have met Petra, but if he had, would he have turned her away? In a different world, could Petra have the type of future she wanted? It did no good to consider what-ifs. But it was late and as he shut the heavy oak door to his room his thoughts did wander. He had never humored the idea before, and it would be the last time he ever considered 'what-if.' But as he tried to fall asleep he shaped his life in a new world. All the choices he'd made. In the end, he wasn't sure if he would choose her or not. And his musings were gone forever by the following morning. But during the night, in the twilight when he'd finally fallen asleep, his dreams had played some nasty tricks on him.

-oOo-

Seeing the blood he still didn't question his decision. Seeing her carted away with the rest of the dead hadn't made him doubt. Watching her body roll into oblivion he held his resolve. There was pain, but there had been pain for all of them, not just her. And through the ride back to the safety of the walls he had tried to feel mourning equally. But Petra was felt in his chest. She was a weight in his consciousness. He tried to make her loss hold just as much meaning as the loss of every man under his command, but she held so much more.

"Captain Levi!" A man broke from the crowd, walking in pace with the rest of the defeated survey corps. "My daughter is in your squad…"

Another concerned parent rushing from the crowd to ask after their child. With the numbers always fractionally less with each return trip, it was a wonder they held any hope at all, however misguided.

"I'm Petra's father."

Levi counted his steps, each foot rising and hitting the ground in an even steady rhythm.

"Before she sees me, I wanted to talk to you. She sent me this letter. She mentioned that you respected her abilities enough to let her join your squad."

One fifty-two. One fifty-three. One fifty-four.

"That she was going to devote herself to you."

He lost count.

"Well, I guess she's too starry-eyed to consider how her father feels."

His soul felt as dark as his eyes. It would be nice if his heart were as cold as people liked to say.

"Well, as her father, I think it's too early for her to marry. She's still so young, with so much to experience…"

But it's not.

* * *

**A/N: So I wrote that first part as just a fleeting idea that came to me. The last part was just a moment of evilness that came to me at the time. If Petra seems a little OOC it's because she is supposed to be a bit sleep drunk, exhausted not quite thinking type of thing. I don't know. I really don't. I hope you liked this anyway, even if I personally have mixed feelings about it. Thanks for reading. ^_^**


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